I encountered a crow last Friday, picking at a garbage bag. I yelled at it. It paid no attention. I thought it some sign. Indeed it was.
Information has just come to light that would explain a whole lot of my suffering in the last few weeks. The last 2 years, since my wife left, and the experience of a failed relationship afterwards, have been nothing but suffering.What strange games we play in life. Trying to protect ourselves, we cause ourselves immense pain and suffering. Pain and suffering, pain and suffering. I'm so tired of trying to avoid it, and being unable ever to. I'm just going to lay down in the Hermetic Vessel and decrepitate. I will hold the pain and suffering, and let it take me down into Sol niger. Maybe this has already happened. It's hard to tell. I think it is happening. I keep raising up, half of my flesh missing, to jump out of the vessel, and pursue relief, which has stymied the process and prolonged my suffering. I will not rise again until I have fully died. I will let go and feel - for once in my life I will allow emotions to overtake me, to consume me, to break me down. I am ready.
Information has just come to light that would explain a whole lot of my suffering in the last few weeks. The last 2 years, since my wife left, and the experience of a failed relationship afterwards, have been nothing but suffering.What strange games we play in life. Trying to protect ourselves, we cause ourselves immense pain and suffering. Pain and suffering, pain and suffering. I'm so tired of trying to avoid it, and being unable ever to. I'm just going to lay down in the Hermetic Vessel and decrepitate. I will hold the pain and suffering, and let it take me down into Sol niger. Maybe this has already happened. It's hard to tell. I think it is happening. I keep raising up, half of my flesh missing, to jump out of the vessel, and pursue relief, which has stymied the process and prolonged my suffering. I will not rise again until I have fully died. I will let go and feel - for once in my life I will allow emotions to overtake me, to consume me, to break me down. I am ready.
"...to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life. Who is sufficient for these things?"
2 Corinthians 2:16
Your beauty knows no bounds.
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