If you are experiencing a profound disaffection for the world, you restlessly flail. You seek. You do not find anything but an increasing discontentment and estrangement. You are perceived by the world as being stricken with some sort of infirmity. And you have been.
An existential crisis which opens up the abyss. Saint John of the Cross called it the dark night of the mind - the first of two dark nights. The Hermit meditating deep in the earth. The alchemical process of Nigredo. Death of self. Pain. Suffering. Dread and unease. Uncertainty. Terrence McKenna once horrifyingly described it as "...being deep into your 4th marriage and sinking fast."
Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.
John 12:24
The Light of Darkness
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