Might is Right Undeveloped

On The Dead Files tonight, one of the spirits Amy encountered was this angry as hell guy who just wanted to be left alone. He was a 64 year old janitor who had hung himself.

Now, despite whether or not I buy into the worldview espoused on the show, this interested me, because I currently am a janitor. If I am still a janitor in even like 3 more years, I very likely will be contemplating hanging myself. But this guy had traveled abroad quite a bit, and had crossed into Canada with a small fortune in cash. So, it was very likely, according to the authorities, that he was a highway robber. Before Steve brought all this evidence to the forefront, Amy had said the guy didn't know how to be good - that he took what he wanted from people and did what he had to do to earn power and respect. And then he somehow lost his stolen goods (that tends to happen with stolen goods) and ends up a janitor. His ego couldn't deal with it, and he hung himself. That is the type of man the material world appreciates. That is a role model for the matrix and its denizens. A fit survivor. Practical. Ruthless. Soulless. What every girl dreams of.

There are higher powers than the demiurge of this world though... There are even some here who have not despised and thrown away their birthright as spiritual beings for the fulfillment of material hungers.

So I never have had anything even remotely close to power or respect, and honestly I could give a schijt less. I know I'm no idiot. I don't have anything to prove to anyone but myself. It would be nice to meet a woman, to meet friends, who didn't care what I was, but cared who I am. I realize this isn't likely to happen, unless I take the reigns of the material, and force it to happen, and disappointment is sure to ensue. I've tried to force relationships before. It just doesn't work. I'm to weird and rare and others are to horribly normal and boring. It may be due to the fact that I am located in North Carolina....

I rather be alone than with people who are the brethren of that highway robber janitor. Rather than be with the admirers of Ragnar Redbeard. But, I am hoping too that someone somewhere is watching - someone who can cause effect. That God's janitors, who are given the most mundane tasks of overseeing the most mundane lives - I hope they are paying attention to me and to those like me. Life isn't fair. The fittest, the meanest, the most stupidly ignorant - they prosper. But sometimes ironic justice is played out in the material realm.