I have meant to post this for perhaps over a week now, but have perhaps neglected to due to the disturbing possible implications. I shall start at the beginning:
Many years ago I was going through a bout with alcoholism. I was having some very strange dreams and experiences in the hypnagogic state. I came out of my body once. Another time, something that looked like Gollum was laying next to me, and I couldn't move. I was on my side and it on its back. I knew it just wanted me to have to lay there next to it and look at it. Then one time there were these green cat eyes staring at me that got larger and larger and larger and larger and larger until they were impossibly large and looming over me, as I was caught in their hypnotic and terrifying power. There was this black wolf that spoke in my mom's voice and showed me disturbing things about my family. There was a large monster sized colon that came out of the western wall. It was weird stuff - dark stuff. I have always had stuff going on in that hypnagogic state, the first experience of which I remember is the cartoon characters from Mysterious Cities of Gold floating in my bedroom, and motioning for me to come with them. I did because I was in love with that girl at the time. I don't remember anything that happened after that. I had to be extremely young. I've often wanted to buy that cartoon series on DVD and see if therein is any clue to why this memory is so ingrained in me.
So anyway, later when I was in my early twenties, one of my experiences was while laying in bed. I lived in the attic. My bed was next to the staircase railing. There was a black liquid like stuff at the bottom of the stairs. It was slowly making it's way up the stairs. This was terrifying. I could feel this presence with my entire being. It was electric. It was evil. I felt a strong sexual energy, I felt horrified, I felt so sad I wanted to cry. A thrill too. All these emotions at once, building and building and building in intensity as it ascended the stairs towards me.
I have felt that presence since. I didn't really think about it until recently, that this returning feeling could be that very same presence. Some crazy woman at work claims she's felt an entity around her that she accidentally summoned on a Ouija board as a little girl. She's 45 now. What's really weird is that I saw a shadow figure in the room she worked in the very day after we first ever talked - I saw it from outside the building at dusk, when the lights were on in the building, waving crazily in the window. Nobody else but me was in the building. I checked. That's the only entity that I believe I have ever seen with my own eyes, as opposed to my mind's eye. I couldn't tell what it was other than a dark shape of some sort moving about wildly in the window. There is nothing around that window that would be moving at all in air conditioning or anything like that.
I know I'm a little all over the place, but all of these things sort of meshed recently. I use to feel that feeling in my attic quite a bit. It seemed more sexual than anything - but it was so much more than that. Absolutely a presence - like electric. And you always kind of had tears welling up at the same time. Actually, this is going to sound bizarre, but as I am writing this I had a memory come of when I was a small child, laying in an empty room, with a fly on the floor. I was pulling the fly's wings off, and there was this feeling. Yikes. That's disturbing to remember out of nowhere. I was a pretty weird kid - but not usually that weird. I don't have any other memories of doing anything else remotely like that.
I had gone several years without noticing this feeling, or paying it any attention if I did. When I did again feel this, it was while practicing the LBRP or maybe it was the LIRP. What I didn't realize was that I was facing the west and not the east for a period in first beginning these practices. I would get this feeling during. When I realized my mistake, and corrected it - beginning in the east, I didn't feel this again, but maybe once more.
Just a couple of weeks ago, I had bought the echovox app. It's amusing anyhoo. One night, these random bits here and random bits there donned on me - and they hadn't done so before - that that feeling may be the presence that I first experienced years ago on the staircase, or with the fly, now that I have remembered that... I decided to call it out during this echovox session. I can't remember what I said. I was rather bold.
That night. That very night I had a very peculiar dream. By the way, I have not gone back and listened to the echovox session, which is automatically recorded by the app. Like I said, it's taken me a lot just to get to writing this. In my dream, I am around people in some kind of large indoor - outdoor structure. Two twin guys I knew from highschool were there. They looked so much alike that I never knew which one I was talking to, and the same was true for this dream. Also, a guy who works at a homeschool that visits my workplace some was in my dream. He's a hippy who wears like a mad-hatters hat all the time. He was in my face screaming about something. The next thing I know, I turn, and this shadow figure rushes directly at me. It has like this large bulbous head. I didn't think about it until now, but it could have been like a large shroud. Needless to say, this freaks me out. The sudden appearance of a supernatural entity, and it being a shadow person to boot, with a weird large head.... I was running around trying to escape it. I think it was darting from person to person. And then it was there, right in front of my face. I could see it's face. It was feminine. Yet pale, and with glassy eyes. It would sort of fluctuate from the blackness of a shadow person, to the white smoke color of your typical ghost I guess. It was looking me in the eyes, and it wasn't but a few inches away from my face. It said something rather profound, like that it had been here many times before. I interpreted that to mean that it was old, and had been to the material plane several times, over several lifetimes. Then someone beside me held up a white feather. I took it. It was suppose to banish this thing. It didn't seem to be working. It then began flashing around the room again, and I couldn't tell where it was, or who it was attached to, though I knew it had been me at least momentarily, and may yet be me. Then my cousin Sandy shows up, and we calmly walk out of the building. I'm still worried about this thing and looking over my shoulder. She seems perfectly calm and unaware of it. We walk up to a picnic table with about 4 people at it, and she starts calmly talking to them.
I waited so many days to record this dream that I've likely forgotten many details. The face wasn't as scary as this image below - no teeth like this or anything, but something about the complexion and the eyes reminds me of it. Maybe it was as scary. I think I have so many of these experiences in dreams and hypnogogic states so that I can more easily deal with them. Strangely, seeing the shadow figure in the window at work, that I believe was attached to that woman, wasn't that alarming. I was more shocked than anything else - at first I had assumed it was someone in the room that had seen me outside in the parking lot. I interviewed everyone the next day. Nothing. I believe the spiritual is all around us. That if we could see what was attached to some people, we would run off as mad as a character from an H.P. Lovecraft story. But we just deal with it. It seems to be being repressed. People want nothing of it. I had to assert extreme will power just to get this entry down.
So, conclusions - I think I should take care to take care of any possible "attachments" I may have picked up. What is an attachment? Are possessions the same thing? I think of something Lon Milo DuQuette said: Yes spirits are real. Yes they do hurt you. Yes they can ruin your life. Yes they can kill you. My life has been filled with unpleasant things. Largely consequences of my own choices. But is there something whispering over my shoulder? And the white feather in the dream. What is this symbolic of?
Many years ago I was going through a bout with alcoholism. I was having some very strange dreams and experiences in the hypnagogic state. I came out of my body once. Another time, something that looked like Gollum was laying next to me, and I couldn't move. I was on my side and it on its back. I knew it just wanted me to have to lay there next to it and look at it. Then one time there were these green cat eyes staring at me that got larger and larger and larger and larger and larger until they were impossibly large and looming over me, as I was caught in their hypnotic and terrifying power. There was this black wolf that spoke in my mom's voice and showed me disturbing things about my family. There was a large monster sized colon that came out of the western wall. It was weird stuff - dark stuff. I have always had stuff going on in that hypnagogic state, the first experience of which I remember is the cartoon characters from Mysterious Cities of Gold floating in my bedroom, and motioning for me to come with them. I did because I was in love with that girl at the time. I don't remember anything that happened after that. I had to be extremely young. I've often wanted to buy that cartoon series on DVD and see if therein is any clue to why this memory is so ingrained in me.
So anyway, later when I was in my early twenties, one of my experiences was while laying in bed. I lived in the attic. My bed was next to the staircase railing. There was a black liquid like stuff at the bottom of the stairs. It was slowly making it's way up the stairs. This was terrifying. I could feel this presence with my entire being. It was electric. It was evil. I felt a strong sexual energy, I felt horrified, I felt so sad I wanted to cry. A thrill too. All these emotions at once, building and building and building in intensity as it ascended the stairs towards me.
I have felt that presence since. I didn't really think about it until recently, that this returning feeling could be that very same presence. Some crazy woman at work claims she's felt an entity around her that she accidentally summoned on a Ouija board as a little girl. She's 45 now. What's really weird is that I saw a shadow figure in the room she worked in the very day after we first ever talked - I saw it from outside the building at dusk, when the lights were on in the building, waving crazily in the window. Nobody else but me was in the building. I checked. That's the only entity that I believe I have ever seen with my own eyes, as opposed to my mind's eye. I couldn't tell what it was other than a dark shape of some sort moving about wildly in the window. There is nothing around that window that would be moving at all in air conditioning or anything like that.
I know I'm a little all over the place, but all of these things sort of meshed recently. I use to feel that feeling in my attic quite a bit. It seemed more sexual than anything - but it was so much more than that. Absolutely a presence - like electric. And you always kind of had tears welling up at the same time. Actually, this is going to sound bizarre, but as I am writing this I had a memory come of when I was a small child, laying in an empty room, with a fly on the floor. I was pulling the fly's wings off, and there was this feeling. Yikes. That's disturbing to remember out of nowhere. I was a pretty weird kid - but not usually that weird. I don't have any other memories of doing anything else remotely like that.
Just a couple of weeks ago, I had bought the echovox app. It's amusing anyhoo. One night, these random bits here and random bits there donned on me - and they hadn't done so before - that that feeling may be the presence that I first experienced years ago on the staircase, or with the fly, now that I have remembered that... I decided to call it out during this echovox session. I can't remember what I said. I was rather bold.
That night. That very night I had a very peculiar dream. By the way, I have not gone back and listened to the echovox session, which is automatically recorded by the app. Like I said, it's taken me a lot just to get to writing this. In my dream, I am around people in some kind of large indoor - outdoor structure. Two twin guys I knew from highschool were there. They looked so much alike that I never knew which one I was talking to, and the same was true for this dream. Also, a guy who works at a homeschool that visits my workplace some was in my dream. He's a hippy who wears like a mad-hatters hat all the time. He was in my face screaming about something. The next thing I know, I turn, and this shadow figure rushes directly at me. It has like this large bulbous head. I didn't think about it until now, but it could have been like a large shroud. Needless to say, this freaks me out. The sudden appearance of a supernatural entity, and it being a shadow person to boot, with a weird large head.... I was running around trying to escape it. I think it was darting from person to person. And then it was there, right in front of my face. I could see it's face. It was feminine. Yet pale, and with glassy eyes. It would sort of fluctuate from the blackness of a shadow person, to the white smoke color of your typical ghost I guess. It was looking me in the eyes, and it wasn't but a few inches away from my face. It said something rather profound, like that it had been here many times before. I interpreted that to mean that it was old, and had been to the material plane several times, over several lifetimes. Then someone beside me held up a white feather. I took it. It was suppose to banish this thing. It didn't seem to be working. It then began flashing around the room again, and I couldn't tell where it was, or who it was attached to, though I knew it had been me at least momentarily, and may yet be me. Then my cousin Sandy shows up, and we calmly walk out of the building. I'm still worried about this thing and looking over my shoulder. She seems perfectly calm and unaware of it. We walk up to a picnic table with about 4 people at it, and she starts calmly talking to them.
I waited so many days to record this dream that I've likely forgotten many details. The face wasn't as scary as this image below - no teeth like this or anything, but something about the complexion and the eyes reminds me of it. Maybe it was as scary. I think I have so many of these experiences in dreams and hypnogogic states so that I can more easily deal with them. Strangely, seeing the shadow figure in the window at work, that I believe was attached to that woman, wasn't that alarming. I was more shocked than anything else - at first I had assumed it was someone in the room that had seen me outside in the parking lot. I interviewed everyone the next day. Nothing. I believe the spiritual is all around us. That if we could see what was attached to some people, we would run off as mad as a character from an H.P. Lovecraft story. But we just deal with it. It seems to be being repressed. People want nothing of it. I had to assert extreme will power just to get this entry down.
So, conclusions - I think I should take care to take care of any possible "attachments" I may have picked up. What is an attachment? Are possessions the same thing? I think of something Lon Milo DuQuette said: Yes spirits are real. Yes they do hurt you. Yes they can ruin your life. Yes they can kill you. My life has been filled with unpleasant things. Largely consequences of my own choices. But is there something whispering over my shoulder? And the white feather in the dream. What is this symbolic of?
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